Friday, January 14, 2011


In a previous post I mentioned, in passing, my psychotic neighbors, and upon some reflection it occurred to me this might alarm some of my loved ones. For their sake, I want to make clear that there is no immediate reason to be alarmed as I may have exaggerated the situation slightly. As far as I know with first hand knowledge, only a few of them are armed with assault weapons. The bad news is that the gun toting group includes the one self-avowed mentally disturbed person. Yes, I am sorry to say, "group" is a better description than "a few" or even "a smattering", but at least "mob" is not quite accurate as they never seem to act in any organized way.

I am always pleasant and agreeable, as you can imagine, and which only seems prudent. Can anyone say they would act with more valor? I am entirely unarmed unless one counts the gaff hooks out on the back deck of my fishing boat. Or my kitchen knives. I suppose I could grab a crowbar in the event of borders. I have thought long and hard on the subject of arming myself, and came to the decision to buy a simple single shot breach loading 12 gauge shotgun. The sort they sell for $89 at any Walmart in America. Except Alaska. Here the price is a bit steeper. But my big problem is transportation. Walmart will not ship any guns. They are progressive this way. And are highly resistant to any change in their policy, and corruption has not reached that low a level yet. At least not via cell phones. A personal appeal might work, but once I get there I can just buy the darn gun and tote it home - making sure to carry it in plain sight when I finally arrive. Or not. 

Aye, that is the question. A hefty one, it is. Deterrence or the advantage of surprise? Yes, they do know I am unarmed, and I have no one to blame but myself, but I can use that to my advantage if I keep my dangerous weapons purchase to myself. Yes, I can see a plan developing. So sneak it by my neighbors it is. 

That will require planning and planning will require some more thought. Devious, I must be. As any dictator in his right mind says, "I know I am paranoid, but what I don't know is if I am paranoid enough." - which probably explains a lot of bad things which have happened up until now. 

Though a king I am not, paranoid I must be. It is the natural state of anyone surrounded by psychotics even if that is a bit of an exaggeration. That would come down to the definition of "bit" wouldn't it? Am I splitting hairs now?

In reality, and all kidding aside, I do plan on buying the above described gun which I will henceforth refer to as "Bessie". Yes, I have named my gun (to be) in the cowboy tradition. I am also a heroin addict in the cowboy tradition. Ha ha. Just kidding about being a heroin addict. Though many cowboys were. Which might explain why there weren't even more gunfights. 

I see a plan forming.....


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