Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Fashion Police or The Emporer Has No Clothes Revisited

The Seattle Times Sports Page, on Feb. 21, 2011, had a photo of Ichiro whatshisname the Japanese baseball player who plays right field for the Seattle Mariners. In that photo, Ichiro is wearing a plaid suit, itself a fashion felony, but in addition to the plaid suit, he wore a bow tie which is merely a misdemeanor, but the bow tie was also plaid and from what I could tell, was not a matching plaid to his suit. Wow.

If fashion police had the authority to actually imprison offenders, Ichiro would get life. Or maybe even a death sentence. Yet, to my knowledge no one has remarked on Ichiro's attire. Much like the emperor who wore no clothes, everyone seems afraid to point out Ichiro's fashion failures. The photo accompanied a story about an interview of two hours which Ichiro gave to some Japanese media outlet for the Japanese public who adore Ichiro slightly less ardently than Baptists adore Christ.

My exposure to Japanese culture is limited to a six hour wait on a plane sitting on the tarmac of Tokyo's International airport waiting for a Hurricane to pass by. Which is to say, none. And yet....anytime anything Japanese is mentioned on TV regarding some Japanese cultural characteristic, my wife is quick to point out the Japanese learned that from the Chinese. Like seaweed wrapped rice. Or their clothes. Or their music. Or their written language. Or anything at all. If the Japanese know anything at all they learned it from the Chinese.

According to my wife, without the Chinese, the Japanese would still be monkey's swinging in trees. Therefore, Ichiro, in wearing plaid on plaid, must have learned his fashion sense from the Chinese as well. Given this assumption, one would expect to see a fair amount of plaid on plaid fashion choices being demonstrated in China, and I am here to assure my readers that such is the case.

Walking the streets of Shenzhen (pop. 15 million.....uh, make that 16 and read quickly or 16 will also be an obsolete count on the pop.) one is more likely to see major felonies of the fashion kind then in any other place on earth I have visited.

I am not known for my fashion sense. In high school I took a liking to a flannel pajama top and wore it to school more days then not. Various decades have come and gone with my signature attire a flourescent red watch cap, or a purple polar fleece sweatshirt scarred from grinding metal and stained with copper bottom paint. This last item has been casually identified by more than one former owner as I walk down the street of Craig, Alaska - since I acquired this item from the local thrift store. I have almost no shame when it comes to fashion, and so it is out of character for me to throw stones at Ichiro.

The trouble is that no one else has said a single word about Ichiro's odd attire. Putting the onus on me, and my lonely blog. After all, Ichiro is not a farm worker recently arrived to the big city as most of the fashion criminals from China can claim. Nor is he a fisherman, like me - which allows for any clothes which suit the purpose and fashion be damned. No. He is a very rich baseball player who probably paid big bucks for his plaid suit.

Ichiro, I implore you, spend a little of your money on a magazine article about men's fashions. Something along the lines of  "10 Do's and Don'ts for Men's Fashions." Or, "A Guide to Men's Fashions for the Idiot".


No comments:

Post a Comment